Aging

I hear all the time that one of the worst way to give yourself wrinkles is to lay on your face when you sleep. Others include obvious reasons, like smoking, drinking, and not washing your face. Now, they say that if you can't help sleeping on your face, then get a satin or silk pillowcase to prevent the wrinkles. To this, I must ask: What the eff? How does that help in any way? The logic behind wrinkle pillow sleeping is that you're putting weight on one side of your face, crushing and rippling it night after night. How does the material make a difference? There's still weight on your face. Even if it does help, I'd probably just end up slipping off the luxurious pillow down to the cotton covered mattress. Back to square 1. And don't even mention silk or satin bedsheets to fix the slipping problem, because I would just slide out of bed whilst I slumber. I think carpet or hardwood floor is worse than a squishy pillow.

Aaack!!! Stop it, while you're young!

So now I have two options: 1) learn to sleep uncomfortably on my back and never spoon again, or 2) live with the consequences of sleeping soundly and get the fucking wrinkles. However, now I'm in a Catch 22, because if I sleep soundly on my face, I'll get wrinkles, but if I sleep uncomfortably on my back, I'll lose sleep, and thusly still give myself wrinkles. *Sigh* I guess I'll just deal with the lesser two evils.

There are other consequences to sleeping on your side as well. Yes, it's still wrinkles, but somewhere else: boobies. Yes, that's right, squishing your twins together every night causes a vertical line. I think it's them trying to set a distinction to which side is whose.

Left Boob: OK, now that this giant line is here, stay on your side!
Right Boob: Maybe I would, but the refrigerator's on your side!
Left Boob: That may be, but the bathroom's with you, so I think I have to put up with more, so shove it.
Right Boob: Listen, why do we have to split up like this? Can't we share Nicole's left and right side equally? I mean, I was hoping we could still be--
Left Boob: Be what? FRIENDS? Not after I caught you with that other girl's left boob.
Right Boob: We were comparing sizes! I swear baby, she means nothing to me!
Left Boob: No! I've had it with your BS! Don't make this harder than it already is.


Yeah, suddenly, I'm really glad my boobs can't talk.

Bye bye, nicole

Blue Footed Boobies